These differences however, tend to discourage us somewhat and we hold the belief that living with someone who is so different from ourselves automatically translates into difficulty and obstacles.
Our relationship can, however, be a source for personal evolution, especially when we experience an alchemical relationship. An alchemist transforms matter in an attempt to extract its essence and transform it into the purest of forms. It’s a quest of purity and light in every material element of reality.
There is also a path in Alchemy that doesn’t transform matter: it is called the Royal Path. The person that chooses the royal path seeks personal enlightenment through the transformation of the self. This path can also be chosen within the framework of a relationship: the couple becomes the cauldron that helps the 2 people transform and transmute different energies and guide them towards more purity and more consciousness. The relationship becomes a path to enlightenment this way.
Everything starts with a balanced inner life.
To feel good in a relationship, we first need to feel good within ourselves. Feeling good about yourself means having enough self-respect to pursue your dreams, defend your ideas and build your life according to your own values. You dare to be yourself and you are not afraid of being alone.
If you are too much out of balance, you will go into extremes in certain areas of your life and you won’t be able to attract someone who can fulfil you. When you are out of balance, you lack the qualities or elements that would ensure harmony in life and you will attract people that resonate with the shortcomings, instead of attracting people that resonate with your source energy.
Because it is tempting to look for the source of our needs outside of ourselves, we risk starting a relationship with a person that answered to the call of our needs.
In the beginning we will actually feel satisfied, because our partner will fill an empty space. This way though, we effectively prevent ourselves from re-establishing inner balance and at the same time we become dependent on the other person.
- You are a person that is in need of validation. You meet someone that tells you you’re fantastic all of the time and that successfully meets your need for recognition.
Not only will you prevent yourself from addressing the reason behind your need for exterior validation this way but little by little your happiness will start to depend upon the validation you receive from this person. Your source of happiness now lies outside of yourself.
- You are used to other people taking care of you and you are used to being told what to do. With time, you’ve come to believe that you are a fragile, delicate being that needs assistance and protection from the outside world. You will look for a person that incarnates strength and that can be the barrier between you and the outside evils. You will now successfully stay hidden in your cocoon, preventing yourself from finding your own strength and keeping yourself from the opportunity of emancipation and real independence;
«Opposites attract » – this expression means exactly that: someone who is not balanced and who exaggerates or suppresses certain aspects of their being or their life, will attract people that can fill the empty parts and that will exaggerate the opposite traits. In reality this expression means: a certain imbalance attracts the opposite imbalance (and a balanced person will attract his/her equal).
A couple that is based upon an imbalanced situation will not continue to satisfy the needs of the partners in the relationship. Either the dependence of one person will start to smother the other, the partners can start to feel annoyed by the exaggerated qualities of the other partner or the very quality that we found so attractive in the beginning can become too dominant and confront us too much with our own shortcomings.
We should be complementary to each other, but we’re not supposed to compensate for an empty space in our own lives by being together. Our mirror in our partner should stimulate us to spread our wings, continue on the path of our personal development and broaden our vision.
Never start a relationship wanting to change and adapt the other person to your own lifestyle or vision of life. It doesn’t matter which path you choose afterwards, you are agreeing to accept the other person 100% as they are. You can have divergent opinions on different subjects, uphold other traditions, like different activities, as long as you accept and respect the other person completely, you are ready to embark on a loving journey.
If you are very different, you might not choose the easiest path, but you will choose an interesting one! This means you are someone who can let go of superficial differences easily and you accept other people in all of their diversity and this is a great human quality.
The opposite is at least as important: do not try to adapt yourself to what you think might be the expectations of the other person. Be authentic from the very beginning or you will not be able to secure authenticity within your relationship.
This means you don’t constantly look to please the other person, because you are confident enough that you already naturally do. You feel free to be yourself and you feel loved for who you are. You don’t have to change your habits or abandon aspects of the life you love to make the other person happy.
It’s important to understand that in spite of the transformation you go through when travelling the royal path, you never experience your relationship as a struggle marked by compromise and sacrifice. When you are meant to walk this path together, you don’t experience any decision as being a sacrifice, every change or adaptation happens organically and the road is travelled with joy.
You are equal
If you want your relationship to be a vehicle of personal growth and you want it to nourish your soul, you need to be on the exact same level as your partner. There can be no power struggle within the couple. You are conscious of the fact that you are both worth exactly the same and you don’t waste your time or energy trying to define who has the upper hand in the relationship.
If you can imagine a pair of scales, with the both of you sitting on opposite sides, then you should both have the same weight, figuratively speaking. There will be sporadic fluctuations, moments when the relationship doesn’t feel entirely balanced, but the imbalance will make itself felt immediately and you will feel the need to readjust.
This doesn’t mean that you have to be exactly the same or that you have to have the same economic strength. We’re talking about energetic value: you bring as much to the relationship as your partner, you have equal importance.
There is nothing more toxic in a couple than inequality. Neither partner can feel inferior or superior to the other because this would mean the relationship cannot move beyond a crystallisation of the imbalances of both of the partners. We don’t compare ourselves to our loved one and they don’t compare themselves to us. A couple where the partners are constantly comparing themselves to each other will pull both of the partners down instead of elevating them.
Don’t get discouraged, however, when things are bit rock & roll in the beginning: there will always be a period of adjustment when 2 people meet and decide to continue together. We need a certain amount of time to start to understand how the other person functions, to find our place in the relationship, to establish the common ground on which we will be able to meet.
If you are honest with yourself and with the other person and you are both willing to do the necessary self-refection to evolve together, you will reach the moment where you find your point of balance and you will experience serenity and harmony in your relationship.
The relationship becomes the path of expansion. The other person is your mirror and helps you have the necessary feedback on your own life. For this person to be able to play that role (s)he needs to be at exactly the same level as you. Only when you are able to look the other person straight in the eyes and see them as equal, will you be able to establish a real soul connection. This is what the Royal path of alchemy inside a relationship is all about: an encounter between 2 souls who recognise each other and decide to help each other out on their respective evolutionary paths.
A relationship is a choice
A relationship is not a fatality, it’s a choice and you make this choice every day and every moment you decide to share with your partner. This is also why I choose not to use terminology like “soul mate” or “twin flame” when talking about relationships. Firstly, because I believe love needs not be defined and secondly because these labels put unnecessary pressure on people.
A “twin flame”-label means every action, every undertaking in the relationship becomes a grave decision. The relationship has become a “serious” matter because it is part of your destiny. The best way to experience any relationship is by not taking everything too seriously and always keeping your sense of wonder and this is especially so when you choose the path of alchemy. The relationship is like child’s play and the more we enjoy ourselves, the easier it actually becomes to stay on the path of evolution.
In the course of a lifetime, there will be plenty of people with whom you feel a profound connection, because your souls recognise each other. This is logical, you already experienced a multitude of incarnations on this earth and beyond, during which certain souls have crossed your path more than once.
Does this mean that when you recognise such a connection, you should force yourselves to see each other? Of course not. If your souls are connected, the connection will continue to exist, in spite of any physical distance. You are right to stay true to your heart, because every time you evolve, you help every other person that shares a connection with you to evolve as well, even without directly sharing your experiences.
Building a relationship is a choice that you make with your soul, heart, spirit and body. When the path you’re on resonates with your soul, it will always bring you a lot of joy and help you evolve and grow at the same time. When you feel held back by a relationship or you feel like you’re stagnating and out of flow, you do have the choice to choose a different path.
Even if you feel a real connection with the other person, there is no reason to stay with them if your relationship doesn’t help you grow any longer, if you don’t feel good, or if your path together has become void of joy and wonder.
Simply put, the path of Alchemy will help you lighten yourself of some unnecessary energetic load and as a result you will feel lighter and experience life as a pleasant journey. If your path is marked by heaviness and difficulties, you are no longer on an ascensional path….
Your paths may separate, but you stay whole, complete. You are a complete person, not “half” of a person until you find the other half. Your happiness or self-realisation does not depend on the encounter with another person. The choice of evolving together or not and for how long depends on the free will of both of the partners. Your free will IS your divine spark, it’s the part of your being that makes you responsible for your own actions and your own life entirely (and not just partly).
The relationship is a path
Here’s the real secret for a harmonious relationship: 1+1=3. It’s trinity that brings flow: you, your partner and your path together. The journey you establish together is made up out of your shared values and dreams for your life as a couple. This will be your meeting place, your common ground where you unite and you experience fusion.
Fusion doesn’t mean disappearing into each other, it means establishing a deep soul connection that allows you to feel and know what the other person feels or experiences without needing to be physically next to each other. Your individual experiences help you shape your common path and when you’re together your love flows freely from your common source, without any need to prove it or showcase it.
The relationship is the crucible that holds both your energies and that will transform them into something new and sparkly. This path can be a true catalyst for the expansion of consciousness of the 2 individuals and guide them towards more independence, autonomy, self-knowing and freedom.
Your partner confronts you with a mirror, which offers you the unique experience of seeing things with a different perspective, through the eyes of someone else.
This is not a journey that makes you forget about yourself, on the contrary, it makes you become more aware of your own being and stimulates the connection to your soul through an ever-greater expansion of the heart.
The relationship represents the platform that lifts you above your usual point of view and that helps see further and more clearly. From this platform you will have access to other experiences and new information.
Journeying on the road of alchemy as a couple helps both of the partners open up to the outside world and include more experiences and the possibilities of the 2 people in the relationship are multiplied.
The contrary would be a couple that shuts the outside world out and builds a gilded cage for itself. Their exchanges will limit themselves to a game of emotional ping-pong because they forgot about the outside world and don’t venture outside of their bubble.
The Royal Path in a nutshell
For both individuals the alchemical path is a strong catalyst for the expansion of consciousness, because of the confrontation with their mirror and the inner balance that is needed to experience harmony in the relationship. The confrontation with the point of view and vision of the other person opens interesting doors of perception and understanding and both partners help each other out on the way to higher vibrations and purer states of being, because they necessarily pivot around their point of balance. When one of them evolves, the other will need to evolve as well, to allow them to stay at the same level.
The path of alchemy inside a relationship is a path that is experienced with much joy, a good portion of wonder and a lot of happiness. It’s a path that flows, where the dynamics between the 2 partners stimulate their individual movements.
The path of alchemy anchors the consciousness of both of the partners in the heart, their mutual love being the meeting place and the starting block of their shared journey. Their heart-based journey offers them a 360° opening of perception and vision since the heart is the meeting place of all dimensions, all spaces and all time. One of the greatest advantages of this path is that it opens us up to large parts of reality that were unavailable to us before.
Today, the alchemical couple plays a fundamental role as an anchorage point of unity consciousness, because it is the physical representation of the balance and exchange that is needed between inner and outer planes, between masculine and feminine perceptions. It is the physical representation of the unity consciousness towards which we are all evolving. It represents a consciousness of complementarity, of unity in diversity, void of oppositions and contradictions, resulting in a full expansion of consciousness and the blossoming of our true selves.
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(EN) Priestess and weaver of inspirations and dreams, I create sparks and connections between inner realms and outer perceptions, between spirit, soul and body. The main themes of my multi-coloured tapestry are the path of the Sacred Feminine and the quest for harmony, with a dash of wonder, magic and a whole lot of authenticity woven into it.
(FR) Prêtresse et tisseuse d’inspirations et de rêves, je crée des étincelles et connexions entre le monde intérieur et les perceptions extérieures, entre esprit, âme et corps. Les fils rouges de mon tapis multicolore sont le chemin du féminin sacré et la quête de l’harmonie avec comme principaux motifs l’émerveillement, la magie et l’authenticité.